I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
