I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
