i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
