Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
barbara walters just said penis...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
