Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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