Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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