sarcasm needs its own font
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
