absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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