he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
