we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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