I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
