Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
