I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
