Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
