i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize