haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
