i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
