Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
