Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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