i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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