apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
