I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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