But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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