Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
