Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
