I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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