the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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