he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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