just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize