I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
