guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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