At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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