i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how do flat chested girls get laid?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
