Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
