I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
