Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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