Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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