Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
