my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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