The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your penis caused this!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
