hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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