She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
