You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she told me i tasted like america
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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