I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
