i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
