I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize