There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
