i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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