You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize