Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
