my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
