I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
