they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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