someone get that fucking seahorse.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
