I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
