I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
