i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
