I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
