I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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