end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize