sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
