bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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