hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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