There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
