and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
