I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
