Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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