dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
