fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
