It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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