you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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