My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
