We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
