The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
