When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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