Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
