just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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