I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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