I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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