i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
