I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
