why didn't you poke me back
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
