Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
