its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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