you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no you cant smoke seaweed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
