i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
