Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
