Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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