There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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