Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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