I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize