one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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