after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My breasts were aching with rage.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
