You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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