watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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