No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize