no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
