i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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